Ways of thinking: a nod to Thomas Ogden

Thomas Ogdan’s recent book (2016) on his current place of development as a psychoanalyst makes the observation that contemporary theory and research in psychoanalysis might best be described as involving an era of thinking about thinking, or what we do in our minds when we make sense of experience. His observations are bright and full of practical wisdom, and there’s nothing like reading material that is suddenly alive in your mind as you reflect on your own work…

I have just finished a session with an individual who is a joy to work with - they are articulate and keen to consider their perspective from multiple viewpoints. We work well together I think, and it has something to do with the freedom of thinking and feeling that adds to a highly collaborative experience.

The irony of stating this is that today, I was reminded of the subtlety and power of our inner world to change our view of ourselves and others. I was reminded of what it feels like to be suddenly lodged in a kind of thinking that, while so easily missed, reflects the mind’s capacity to shape our view of reality to see it not as it is - but as we are. Moments when play stops, when a singular sense or perspective suddenly presents, and we are left in a kind of fixed position that halts us in our tracks.

I am talking about moments of interaction with another person, with whom we are taken not toward their experiences but toward our own. If we are empathically with them, we are moved to find senses and symbols that bridge the interpersonal divide and assist in a building sense of self exploration and articulation. Sometimes though, we find in our minds our own odds-and-ends which seem to feel different…we are brought not into the world of the person we are with, but our own momentary fragilities. Or better put, the quality and organisation of our mind has shifted gears from outer to inner, older to younger, sense to thought - in either direction. We didn't see it coming.

In the moment, I am having thoughts and memories which seem to spontaneously occur as if fully formed, and are happening on a screen for me to watch. Who is doing the thinking I muse? What is my experience in this moment of recollection? In this recalled moment, I am talking with my daughter - feeling caught by a feeling of insufficiency. It’s bothering me, but why this thought now. Couldn't it wait till after this session?

Still the thought continues, the feeling of insufficiency…a conversation we had several days before in which I am focussing on her face. She looked tired and worn down by something.

And with my client, our conversation moves forward - simultaneously following a separate track about their workplace and their concerns for a colleague. They want me to provide something, its sketchy. They say they want “absolution” and laugh with self-consciousness…they have another go…”I don't like feeling like this. It’s like I have spent my life trying to stay in control and do the right thing and now theres just this sense of guilt”.

I am still with my inner scene. My daughter and I - her own struggle to manage a mounting state of end-of-school-year fatigue and my own apparent need to encourage her back out to school. To what end? She looks hurt and frustrated at my efforts to encourage, and I am feeling silly that I haven’t been able to stay a bit longer with her bone-tiredness that is making it hard for her to get to school. There is also a sense of my own efforts trying to “do the right thing”…by her, by myself. What dad is needed? The one who encourages resilience or the one who allows for vulnerability? Both? Neither? I am starting to see the bind I am in, as I move through the imagery. The heightened possibility of black / white solutions…I am in the world of conflict: two competing senses that refuse to talk easily…As a therapist, I have become aware of the power of guilt to split thinking and feeling - especially in myself.

So there I was, catching up with a state of mind which was happening for me, but which made it so that I was not a thinker having thoughts and feelings, but momentarily a hapless receiver of experiences in search of resolution; in search of an emotional home. It was my experience I saw, yet what part of this experience also mapped onto my client’s dilemma with her work friend?

Psychoanalysis and analytically-informed therapy sharpens our sense and appreciation of the mind as a place for an intriguing array of activities and patterns of experiencing. Mental health and suffering can be understood as the product not so much of what one thanks about - but how…how we process experience and make sense not only of ours, but other minds.

I remember reading somewhere, British psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott stating, “the only you I know is me”…I hope I am quoting this faithfully. If I am quoting this well enough, I am reminded of the moment with my client. For the client, a good enough therapist is a kind of ambassador of the human race - who is able to bring to them, an available mind with which this array of patterns and ways of organising experience can be shared. From the most jumbled and disorganising experiences to subtle artistic expressions - the work of the therapist is to sense these ways of experiencing and ask themselves and the client - “is this piece of me, yours as well?”

* Disclaimer: when discussing matters pertaining to clients - the gender, profession and other identifying particulars of each person have been changed to protect the privacy of any individual I am currently or have previously worked with.